Long Time.... No Talk

Is it just me.... or does talking to GOD seem a whole lot easier on paper? After moving down to Waco I have found myself, once again stagnate. Maybe stagnate isn't the right word? Probably more like stubborn! I have successfully managed to find myself trying to do it my way, e'er day, for too many days.... Perhaps this blog helps keep me on track, but probably it's just GOD givin' me a swift kick in the butt to get me back on track. Not that I've been entirely off track by any means, but let me be up front; whether I'm off track by 6 inches or 6 miles.... I'm off track.

In my search to find a place of corporate worship (I figure I'm in grad school, so I should feel the need to use more elaborate phrases rather than simply church, lol) I have found myself turning to iTunes and listening to the podcasts of what I consider my home church in CO. I recognize the fact that I never fully got involved in this church but the worship and messages that I experience there are unlike any other that I have ever experienced. I long to go back there and get involved! However, that will be at least 2 years away so in mean time and in between time I've been attending 2 different places down here in Tejas.... still I keep coming back to those podcasts.... and here's what I found.

I have to say, both pastors of this church challenge me every single message I hear. Every stinkin' one hits me right where I'm at. This lets me know, that GOD is speaking to me. Welp, this one involves a little bit of David and a lot, like a lot a lot, bit of GOD. I love reading David because for one he is a super genius, only superseded by the wisdom of his son Solomon; and for two he's brutally honest. Today we went through the first 18 verses of Psalm 139, talking all about how GOD knows us. He doesn't just see us, and he hasn't just created us to leave us alone and watch us freak out on the Jersey Shore (which I haven't watched but I've heard is entirely.... amusing). GOD intimately knows us! Without fail he knows every single molecular and atomic property about our human as well as the exact identity or our person, character and soul. Our emotions, our actions and our thoughts GOD knows! To quote the movie Avatar, "I see you" is what GOD says to us, or "I see into you". HE doesn't simply acknowledge our presence but HE recognizes who we are, what we are, where we are, when we are and why we are.

So I have recently finished my first assignments and test as a grad student, opening up a weekend of free time. How do I spend it? Sleeping, working out, playing ball, eating... repeat. GOD? Oh ya, I have time on Sunday. I'll pay my dues. Please! GOD is there right in front of me saying, "I am yours to ignore. I am yours to reject.... I am yours to accept." I love how David describes how much GOD knows about us, and I love the transition into how much GOD pursues us! HE never quits! Like a conversation without words, GOD knows us and on top of this HE relentlessly pursues us. Pursues me! I mean, I know this stuff but to hear it again is like breathing in Rocky Mountain Air or drinking crisp Rocky Mountain water after living in Tejas for all of a month and a half... no pun intended. Actually it's better than that because I am still deprived of such luxuries that come with living in CO in terms of air and water (which most people don't even get water around the world, so living in Texas might be the luxury that I need to realize). But this GOD who, NIGHT&DAY seeks after me saying "I SEE YOU! I KNOW YOU! I KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU" I'M YOURS TO REJECT!" entirely consumes my being every time I hear about HIM. I want to highlight only a few verses because I would like for you to read all of Psalm 139 for yourself but these verses were the highlights of what I heard today.

Psalm 139:2 "YOU know when I sit and when I rise, YOU perceive my thoughts from afar"
-The pastor likened this to a marriage and how a husband or wife are able to look across the room and know exactly what each other are thinking

Psalm 139:7-12 "Where can I go from YOUR SPIRIT? Where can I flee from YOUR presence? If I go up to the heavens, YOU are there; if I make my bed in the depths YOU are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there YOUR hand will guide me, YOUR right hand will hold me fast. If I say 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become darkness around me' even the darkness will not be dark to YOU; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to YOU."
-In my highs, in my lows, in the mundane, in the complicated, in the east, in the west... EVERYTHING... GOD wants everything! GOD is there with me in everything

My absolute favorite part of all of this is David's response to this. How easy is it for us to try (notice the lack of success in that word) and run from God? How often do I try and do that in my own life? All toooooo often, is the correct answer. But David; his response?

Psalm 139:18b "When I awake, I am still with YOU"
-David is with GOD. A conscious choice, through all of his crap and yes it is crap. I wouldn't call having  an affair, murdering the husband, lying about it and ignoring it anything more than crap but certainly much less. GOD relentlessly pursues David, and David answers the call, "When I awake, I am still with YOU." I love the "still" as he identifies, YOU have never left me and "I am in". I LOVE IT! David is in and his life will never be the same.

You may have noticed the typical Christian pattern here... especially from my last post. To have a "God Moment" or "Spiritual High", blog about it and ask for a response.... But, as much as this is exactly that. It's not. I am human, I am learning but I am living. This is how I live. This is how I want to live and I know I will fail again. But lessons learned, as I have posted on here, are experience that hopefully others can learn from. It's not about the followers (let's be honest, I only have one and he is a much more distinguished believer than myself) but if just one person reads this and thinks hey, God sounds like a pretty cool dude then this is worth all the criticism. Maybe this is just me sayin' "I'm in."